The 6 Stages of Watching Mama Mia 2
Today I went to see Mama Mia: Here We Go Again.
I’m visiting my family for a few days out in the country. I went to the cinema with my Mum and my Granny and afterwards we went to Tesco so Granny could buy the bleach that’s on offer. Then we ate sandwiches and watched Judge Rinder. That’s the sort of day it was. A good day. A wholesome day.
Now, even for a lover of campy films as myself, this film is A LOT to digest. Going in to watch it at a suprisingly full early morning screening was an rollercoaster experience.
Below I have recorded the 6 stages of emotions that I experienced whilst watching Mama Mia: Here We Go Again, as well as my overall verdict.
Stage 1: No, I am not watching this. I can’t believe I’ve been roped into this. No way.
Amanda Seiyfried is singing Thank you for the Music acapella and writing letters. I don’t want to be here. This is indulgent. Doing this for Granny.
Stage 2: Wow, Greece is pretty, at least I can spend this time admiring the scenery
I just got back from a holiday in Rhodes and it was amazing. Maybe I can spend this film looking at the nice beaches and thinking about my holiday. That won’t be too bad. What beautiful clear water.
Stage 3: Oh I love this song! I know all the words to this song!
Even if you think you don’t know any ABBA songs, you do. You know most of them. ABBA songs have been played at parties so much for so long that really, they should be property of the public realm like Happy Birthday.
I am sure I was acquainted with Dancing Queen whilst I was still in the womb. The piano swirl at the beginning genuinely gives me an adrenaline rush that I must have learned from my mum at parties whilst still in utero. It’s impossible to not love it. When drunk beyond being able to say my own name, I know the words to Dancing Queen. It’s part of me, man.
Stage 4: Wait a minute, there’s a few huge plot holes in this film.
Why did Skye go to New York to learn about running a hotel when the hotel was already ready to open? Wouldn’t it be more important that he’s at the opening? How is Donna able to afford all this travel without working? Where did Harry get that admirals hat? HAS SHE NEVER HEARD OF CONTRACEPTION? How are all these young men affording all that travel? How come everyone on this tiny Greek Island speaks such good English? Is it actually okay to just sleep in an abandoned farmhouse? How did the staircase get fixed? WHO PUT THAT HORSE IN THE BASEMENT? DID NOBODY CHECK THE WEATHER FORECAST BEFORE DECORATING THE HARBOUR FOR THE PARTY?!?! HOW DID THESE PEOPLE TRAVEL TO THIS ISLAND FROM SUCH FAR AWAY COUNTRIES SO QUICKLY?!?! HOW DOES SOPHIE KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT JUST FROM BEING SICK?
Stage 5: Actually I don't care- MY GOD IS THAT CHER? IT’S CHER.
IT’S CHER. HER WIG IS SO VOLUMINOUS. SHE’S 72 AND SHE’S STILL GOT IT. I AM LIVING FOR YOU CHER. SING FERNANDO AGAIN.
Stage 6: I want to move to Mama Mia world.
Nothing makes sense in the world this film inhabits. And I love it. People burst into song, with full backing bands, everyone has choreography ingrained in their bodies, costumes appear in the blink of an eye and everyone just teleports around. I want to live here. I could restore a house. I could do it. I'll do it.
Look, is this a heartfelt, cutting edge portrayal of the human experience? No. It’s not meant to be. Is it going to win Oscars? No. I don’t think it’s meant to. Are people going to have open air screenings of this film in parks every summer until civilisation collapses? Yes.
If this film was a person, it would wear a glittery pink cowgirl hat in a mini disco at the British Legion for her mate Carol’s 50th. This film would be the type of person that buys 12 fluorescent pink feather boas from Poundland for all the ‘gals in the group’ when they go out for drinks at Wetherspoons. This film would be a person who queues outside of Lidl for the bargain prosecco and buys 200 bottles for the festive season. This film would be a person who calls going to get kebabs ‘Going to see my mate Donna’. This film would be a person who definitely has a cushion in her house with an inspirational quote on it. This film would be a person who owns a personalised glittery wine glass.
But do you know what, this film would be a person who’s a right laugh, she’d have a huge heart and she’d be great at a party.
I know lots of people who are this film personified, and they’re amazing. This film made me remember all times that I’ve spent with these people since childhood, and that made me happy. I remembered smoky social clubs and rugby clubs, flashing coloured lights, dry ice and polyester fancy dress outfits. I remembered paper plates, Iceland sausage rolls, plastic cups of Tango and most of all, ABBA playing. I remembered very good times and a lot of love.
I left the cinema with a very big smile on my face. On a rainy Monday, you can’t ask for anything better really.
PS- The dungarees were also inspirational. Please advise where I can buy.